Movie: Love, Rosie

I always loved this movie, I love Lily Collins and I think is not the normal romantic movie, unless for me. Now I see it with other eyes, maybe I didn't meet the man I love since we were 5 years old, but the circumstances separated us when we could be everything. The first time I saw him, at first sight I didn't like him. I like really tall guys and he is just a little taller than me. The problem came when I saw him in the eyes.... I fell into an abyss, a cliff of feelings. Somehow I recognized him, he attracted me in a way I never felt before. Physically for sure, but also I had the sudden need to get to know him, every single part of him and his mind... Here is when I began to think that I am crazy. I've been always a rational person but these feelings are beyond my understanding. My friend J and I were going party that night so I saw him just for a couple of minutes but he is been in my mind since then.

Next day we went out in a boat with some friends, was really nice but when guys came to flirt with me I had his eyes in my mind and I couldn't think in anything else... After the boat, almost in my worst moment ( I was drunk, no make up, shitty clothes...) we went back home and there he was. Really?? I asked myself. Good thing that alcohol don't let you think to much about how embarrass is your situation. We spoke for sometime, I don't remember much but his eyes, like always ,they had my hole attention. I drunk his words even if now I don't remember them ( It's been a year and a half...). The problem came where they offer me to smoke oil... I don't smoke cigarettes and I only smoked weed two times in my life before ( And that was like two years before this ). They said good things about it and how fun it was so Hey! I am drunk! I am in a foreign country and I should do crazy things right? So I tried and I got sick almost that instant... Everything was spinning around, Alien was in the TV and all I could think was that the character that I was seeing was Twin Lannister in Game of Thrones lol ( Yep, really ). I couldn't move myself normally, I was to heavy. I heated that feeling, that I was not in control of my body.... Like you can imagine, I fell sick like two minutes latter.

The normal situation will be my friend taking care of me, well, she didn't. She left to have fun with some friends but he stayed with me. He took care that I was ok, even he made me drink when I didn't wanted. Maybe is stupid but I have a strong personality and see him forcing me to drink when I said no, saw him doing what he knew that it was right against what I wanted, somehow I like that. He surprised me then. He did't know me and he cared enough to fight with me for what it was good for me... I admire him since then.

Finally we put me in to his bed ( It was cleaner than my friend's, he is just to kind ) and he did't touch me, even with an evident sexual tension between us. That says a lot about him too. I have this memory, I never knew if it happen in my dreams or it was real. I was really sick.... DON'T DO DRUGS!! lol He came into bed and I rolled far from him, I was giving him more space but I think he thought I was getting away from him because he told me: I am not going to bite you. OMG I couldn't move but my hole body burn in flames anyway. If I wasn't sick I would kiss him just in that moment, but I was... and everything begin to get complicated. Next day he woke up to go to work. I will always remember that he felt sleep after the alarm and when he realize that he was late he, literally, jump half meter and began to run all over the place to get ready. I was so bad that I could't move and I didn't realize that I was staring every single one of his moves openly. He finally came to my bedside table to take somethings and he looked at me. Then I realize that I was staring and I didn't care because his eyes hypnotized me and then he smile.... I can't say that I fell in love then because, how I will tell you maybe in other post, for me love is more than the first feeling, it takes years. But those eyes and that beautiful smile captivated me util today.

Wow, I didn't pretend to tell this story in this post. I was going to tell you how the circumstances made us be apart like in the movie. How life is pulling us away even when we know that we are special for each other. That we could be more than just friends... Life took me away from him four times already, to different continents and places, for different reasons.... I want to think that we will meet again, actually we spoke about it, we will meet again in a point of our lives when we will be able to be together, for real. Because he is awsome, with the time I discovered  how amazing he is, that over my first crazy feeling he is an amazing human being and I will love to try it all with him. I will love to share my life and see if that can take us further. I can't say that I am sure that we belong together, I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow, How am I going to know if we will be together forever? I just want a chance to try, because is the first time that I feel something healthy and beautiful like this. In my other relationships I always has a voice in my mind, asking me if that was what I wanted, if that was going to be the rest of my life. They always scared me until I knew him. And now I am more scared than ever because maybe I found him, maybe I found my partner and it is to hard to be apart, to many obstacles...

This movie give me hope, that over the problems and twists of life, we will find each other and we will have our opportunity. I am going to fight for him and, like I told him, I am not going to wait. If life decides to bring me another man that loves me and appreciates me for who I am, someone that makes me feel like I feel for him, I am going to take that opportunity. But I am not going to look for it anymore, I am going to love myself, grow as a person for me and because, maybe, someday, destiny will give us the chance and I want to be my best for him. Like Rosie... When she finally decided to let go and think in herself then he comes back...

Thank you for read this, it comes from the deepest past of my heart, It makes me free somehow.

Viky

Why?

Why am I writing this? The truth, I don't know but lately I've been feeling the need of express my feelings and I can't do it on Facebook or other social media because the person who is inspiring them will read it and I am not ready for that. Also I am almost sure that he would think that I am crazy for think or feel like I do. The problem is that, even if I know that is completely crazy I can't control it. For some reason I think that write here, in this blog, is going to help me. The truth is that I was inspired for a movie, I really sad movie: "Ask me anything". I hate sad movies but I thought it was going to be a normal romantic young adult movie. The point is that the consultant recommend to the main character write her feelings in a blog. I just want, for some reason, people knowing them. If I could I will scream to the world all that is making me crazy. So many conversations in my head, thoughts that I never said out laud, feelings....

So that it is, I want to be heard, read in this case. I am not looking for attention, maybe I am just looking for people who feel like me so I will demonstrate to myself that I am not completely crazy. Maybe I am. So as you can see my life if full of maybes. I hope this blog is going to help me to find myself and if I can help or touch the hearts of someone in my way, I will be happy. 

And that's it.... I am Viky and I will write my crazy thoughts for you.

PD: Probably you notice that my write is kind of weird of different, that's because I am a spanish speaker but, somehow, when I speak in english is easier for me express my feelings. I hope you can forgive me for my probable misspellings.

Love, Viky